In our ongoing series on ways of BEING coach, we have Tip #3. But first a review:
Tip #1 – Meet people where they are (Coaching as a Game Changer – McLaren Coaching)
Tip #2 – Approach people with openness (Coaching as a Game Changer – Tip #2 – McLaren Coaching – Capture Your Success)
Tip #3 is to know your own “World View” and to appreciate the World View of others. Other words for World View are “filter” and “map,” as in “the map is not the territory.” The “territory” is reality. Your “map” is your interpretation of reality – your beliefs, your values, your sense of what is right and wrong, of what is possible, of how people should act, of what is achievable. It includes your beliefs about inherent differences between genders, educational levels, racial makeup.
A quote famously attributed to Anais Nin is, “We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”
In our blog post on Tip #2, openness, we advocated being curious with people, as a way to connect and to understand. The main impediment to curiosity is World View. The following are some points to know about World View:
1 Everybody has one: Even when you learn about your World View, you cannot get rid of it. But, you can learn to observe it and to be aware of it and maybe to change it in some ways.
2 Your World View is not the “right” World View: One of the main sources of conflict is the belief in our rightness. Humans do love to be right. But you will definitely not be curious if you are sure that your way of seeing the world is the right way.
As we look at the political landscape, we see this very clearly at this point in time. The assurance that our way of seeing things is certainly the way that they should be seen, our way to act is the proper way to act, our way of thinking is the best way of thinking. This can be very hard to let go of. It’s okay. You need not do it all in one moment. But I promise you it is in the way of clear communication. And the antidote? Curiosity.
Even if we do not look at emotionally charged topics such as politics, in your office, in your marriage – do you see where you are convinced you are right? From my own marriage, what IS the right way to load a dishwasher? What else are you right about? How to drive? How to raise kids? What is healthy? Whether to wear a mask? You don’t have to change it. Just notice. Be curious with yourself.
3 No two people have the same World View: We tend to surround ourselves with people like us. People who make us comfortable. People we think believe the way we do?
What changes if you assume that no one really and wholly sees the world the way you do? Because believe it or not, this also gets in the way of listening. If you assume someone thinks like you, then you will not listen deeply. You will not be curious.
The same thing will happen if you believe you have anyone “figured out.” Often in long-term relationships – marriages and business partnerships – we suspend any level of curiosity because we believe we “know” the person. But imagine if you looked for them to surprise you, to act differently then what you expect. In other words, what might you see?
This week’s homework – practice curiosity. Again. See how people are different from you and be curious about opinions that you find to be “wrong”. After that, see what happens.
If you are interested in learning more about the coaching skill set, join us on February 17, for our second in a series called Game Changer: How Coaching Can Help you to Level Up! This workshop is part of a monthly series on coaching skills for the non-coach. It will also introduce you to coaching itself – as a career path, as a way to manage more effectively in your organization and as a way to discover what you truly want in your life. Click here to learn more: Game Changer | McLaren Coaching – Capture Your Success